* Geeks do not have pedigrees, Or perfect punk-rock resumes, Or anorexic magazines. It smells like girl, it smells like girl. She walks over me. She walks over me. Hold you close like we both died, My ever present suicide. My stupid fuck, my blushing bride. Oh tear my heart out, tear my heart out. She walks over me. She walks over me. I shut my mouth with you for, I gotta use the rest of you for, Yeah, I gotta shut my mouth with you for, I gotta use the rest of you. Kerry, Kerry please come here, Don't, don't you touch me, don't you dare, We look the same, we talk the same, We are the same, we are the same. She walks over me. She walks over me. I shut my mouth with you for, I gotta use the rest of you for, Yeah, I better shut my mouth with, I gotta use the rest of you. Now you see she walks the same, And now you see she talks the same, You never know what you will get, You never know what you'll forget. She walks over me. She walks over me......
Why are you taking this quiz you obviously don't have feelings?! I am justkidding, you just are either A: A really horny person, or B: you just a little bit of everything. So To B good for you and A: have a chat with someone who got anger..he...he. (Please Vote)
Hello hello. Today, I was asked 3 times if Matt and I are going out. I'm really sick of that question. I've decided that it'll never happen, so...yeah.
Andrew is leaving tonight for Chicago. I remember my 5th grade trip. It was awful. lol. I was sick the entire time, and besides...i'm not very social when i'm involved in things like that. I just like to be in placed that I know. And not with people that hate me.
My mom's gettin' on. Again. Expect a Quizilla quiz on here soon. I'm bored out of my little mind.
Take the quiz: "What instrument are you?" Guitar You are a Guitar. You have a bit of ego and you like to show off. Look at me I'm doing a solo for way too long. Shut the fuck up thats only exceptable in instrumental music.
am I... Cute?: yes. Crazy?: at times. Lovable?: yes. Funny?: lol. yes. Psycho?: sometimes. Annoying?: nope. Daring?: I think so. A good person?: yes. would you... Hug me?: I have. Miss me if I was gone?: I do. Kiss me?: yes. Listen to my problems?: yes. you listen to mine. Make out with me?: mhmm. Be a good friend?: yes. Be my best friend?: most likely. would you ever... Go out with me?: probably. Marry me if you could?: lol. they do say that dreams are a prediction of the future. Talk bad about me if we ever broke up?: if you cheated on me, yes. lol. Make out with me in a cemetery?: lol. Odd place, but i'd feel alot safer. Snuggle with me?: lol. I wish. if you could... Give me a new name, what would it be?: I like your name. Do one thing for me, what would it be?: Anything. Give me a piece of advice, what would it be?: um... Kidnap me for a day, where would we go?: lol. an amusment park. I've always thought it'd be fun to take a guy there. just a few questions... What do you love about me?: Pretty much everything. What do you hate about me?: that you're so hard to get. What is my best quality?: there are too many. I couldn't pick the best. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?: I wouldn't want to change anything about you. What is your honest opinion of me?: I'm half way in "luv" with you. lol. What would you do if i sang out of tune?: either sing along with you, or sit back and laugh. What song reminds you of me?: that Behind Blue Eyes song, or whatever. lol. Just 'cause of your eyes. lol. Do i remind you of any characters on tv?: not at all. Have you ever had a dream about me?: mhmm. Do you think i'm a virgin?: yes. If you just met me, how old would you guess i am?: 16. Am i huggable?: haven't we covered this? yes. If you could give me anything, what would it be?: my heart. If you could promise me anything, what would it be?: Anything you wanted. I'm not picky. lol. personal... Am i ugly, average, decent, good looking, beautiful, etc.?: I think you'e hot. lol. If you could describe me in one word, what would that word be?: Caring. When we first met, what were your thoughts?: I honestly can't remember when I first met you. What are my faults?: I have no clue. What are my strengths?: I guess you'll have to tell me before I can answer that. Do you wish we were closer?: mhmm. Why aren't we closer? haven't had the chance to be.
Today...was...boring. lol. well...I felt awful until lunch, when Erin provided me with Tylenol. I'm not sure what was the matter with me, but it kicked it. So...Rachel's gothic now. lol. Whatever floats her boat. Matt just signed on about 5 minutes ago. I'll elt him IM me for a change. If he wants to, that is. I'm really not ready for this scale exam. I still need to spend hours (at least) on D flat, and A flat. Those two suck. Allision got drum major, which means she's basically the boss next year. I dont much like her. Matt just IM'd me. lol. Rachel says she's gonna tell Matt to lay off grabbing my ass when he hugs me goodbye, 'cause it makes me giggly. I DON'T giggle. My dad just called. He says he's going to work on another deck after work. Right. He's never here. He may as well have stayed in California. He's leaving again two weeks from now. Same place. I'd like to have my dad to myself on occasion. I mean...since my mom doesn't wanna see my face. Ever. But who could balme her?
Hello. My mom "fixed" the crappy computer, so here I am. I just checked my mail for the first time in a month. I had over 700 e-mail. ::eye roll:: I've decided that i'm sick of listening to people's problems on Cut~It~Out. I used to care. I no longer do.
Theres crap being said about me beind my back, and it hurts that people would say it. Especially when it's not true. 3 boyfriends a day... Give me a fucking break. It's amazing how people say things about people that they don't [i]really[/i] know.
I called my dad crying earlier. He just told me that he didn't want to hear it, and said goodbye. He just doesn't want to live up to the fact that when he's gone, I fall apart, and i's because of my mom.
I wasn't at school today. Personal problems.
Have you ever felt that talking to a person you really care for through an IM just isn't enough? Like...you'd give anything to hear their voice? ugh. I'm pathetic.
I can hear my mother and my little brother talking about me on the other side of this very thin wall. They act as if i'm not here. All I hear is faint mumbles, though.
.x.I wish Matt would update his blog.x. I check it everyday, though. lol.
I made dinner tonight. I didn't recieve as much as a thank you.
I need to clean my room up a bit. I washed my sheets two days ago, but I love it when their right out of the drier. I'll wash them again. lol.
It's been raining most of the day. It's pretty.
Wow. I've been rambling for the past 7 minutes. oh well.
Matt broke up with Rachel. I don't know what that means.
Today has been completely un-eventful. Well...except the fact that they broke up. I most definatly wasn't expecting that. I feel so bad for Rachel. The thing is...she doesn't really seem to care & I find that odd. Oh well. :?
Well hello there! I'm in GIS...last period. Yeah buddy! I wish Katt could go tonight, but she cant!! DUH! what was I thinking?! I must have been stupid to think that she wouldn't be grounded!!!! grr.....
Cate wont go. she never does, and now that her mom's gettin' married it'll ruin any plans we had for this weekend. Joy. ::eye roll:: we still have like...10 minutes in here. Hopefully, since my mother wont let me blog anymore at home, I can just do it at school. "I'll never tell..." lol. She'll never ever find out. She doesn't know anything. lol.
It's actually pretty nice outside today. Tommorow's gonna be really really boring 'cause I have to sit there at Dawns house and watch paint dry. Thats my kinda weekend!! NOT! lol. I can't wait to get outside today!! It's swo pretty and everything, and Matt and everyone will prolly have a water fight....like usual...
This kid next to me seemed rather interested in what I was doing. erg....
My mom got all mad last night and "left the house". lol. No...she didn't really leave. She never does and she never will. I know how she works, and it's not very well.
It was just the right temp. outside today. It was really nice. Matt threw water all over me, though. lol. I have to go to Cameron and Dylan's tonight. Joy to the fucking world. :roll:
Justin might be spending the night again. His mom's on call or whatever. lol. Last time I forgot he was down here, and I was going to the laundry room to get my clothes out of the drier, and I wasn't fully dressed. That scared me so bad. (he was still sleeping, thank god.)
UGH! Why do I have to remember shit like this?! The other day, Rachel told me that she loved Matt and it made me wanna do myself in. GOD!!! I hate it when I hear shit like that. Oh, and I still can't get her to buy a fuckin thong. lol. poor Rachel.
I miss my father...even though he "forgot" to say goodbye to me before he left. I'm mad at him. SO mad at him, but I still want him to come home. It's awful here with just me and my mom. It really is.
Still, cold and dead; like the roses in the garden. I swear it was spring, but everything and all it's wonder is covered in a thin white sheet of snow.
You know the feeling, m'dear. When everything around you feels so cold. You're frozen by the numb feeling that you hate and you can't decide whether you're still breating or whether you're just a corpse living someone elses dead and distorted life.
It's confusing, baby. The way an object so false can feel so right when you're about to break. You envy the sky in all it's beauty. The way it's jeweled; it's almost unrealistic. It's natures masterpeice.
The sun rises slowly, and i'm still sitting by the window. The light enters the room, and now my latest work of art is clearly and distinctly visible. It's a beautiful and realistic picture of what's going on in my head. It's art. But all you see is disorder and disfunction.
This has nothing to do with David and Anne, but do you think it's possible to love, or be in love with someone you've never actually gotten to know? Just a question. No meaning behind it.
I just talked to Z for awile. mhmm. I can play that Jet part on the bass perfectly now. <3>I have a feeling that tonight is gonna be awful. Just being with that side of the family makes me cringe. My cousin Matt will be there, and we're pretty close, but the fact that he calls me "Darkness" annoys me. Well...he's the only one there my age (actually he jsut turned 14.) My Cousin Jenn jsut turned 16, and she hates me. I dont have a clue why. She jsut does. She's such a prep.
My stomach is killing me. "Aunt Rose"should be here soon. Great!!! Not really. It sucks. Oh well. Thats life for ya. ::eye roll::
I feel down the stairs today. Stupid gravity. It's pretty outside today. yup. I <3 this weather.> Jess
I just IM'd Cate. I dont know why. I guess I felt bad for ignoring her. It doesn't matter though. She just signed off two minutes after I IM'd her. She hates me. I dont blame her. This is great... Look what i've done. 'heh. That reminds me of one of my poems. Rachel, you remember it. "Heartless Blade?" ooo. I wanna post that. Thats one of my favorites.
Just got back from the movies. Had a few laughs, got to hang out with my two favorite girls (wow. I sound lesbianish!!) oh well... ::cough::
That movie was cool. Poor dog though. :( What if one day, I go all insane like that and kill Matt?! Muhahaha!! No. I couldn't do that. Then he's be gone and i'd be miserable. Okay...I'm already miserable with him here. Kill off Rachel, shall we? Nah. We're actually getting along. I'm trying to force myself to be closer to her. Don't get me wrong, I WANT to be her friend, but everytime I talk to her I think about how she's got Matt and I dont. It's really...painful. Welcome to my world. I call this chapter of my life...[i]jealousy[/i].
Well...okay. i've been jealous before. Like the time I saw my boyfriend on his frony porch kissing what I thought was a friend of mine. WRONG, oh was I ever wrong. Even though his lips had been mine, she had them then and I wanted to kill her. Fair enough? Yup. I belive so. Well...I hate him now, and I haven't seen or talked to him since, so ha! I hate the prep loving bastard. :twisted:
Anyways...I've been cursed with bad boyfriends in the past, and I soooo hope that never happens again. Getting your heart broken once is enough for me. Now; as it's been put back together, it's painfully being torn in half again everytime I walk in the school building. Some how I manage a smile. Sometimes I really am happy. Sometimes i'm upset and it's too much work to hide it. Thankfully, i'm happier than I ever have been.
Let me let you in on a little secret.... SHH!! I wanna stop. For real this time. If you dont wanna belive me...I dont blame you, but I mean it this time. My last razor's in the trash can. And I'm enjoying it. I'm not sure if this feeling is happiness, or...if it's jsut plain twisted pleasure. Whatever it is I like it.
Jess
...baby, what you see is what you get... -Brittany Spears-
Never thought i'd see the day where I used Brittany's song lyrics as a blog title. Help me..x..x.
It's 1:52 AM. I can't sleep. I guess i'm just thinking too much. All sorts of things are running through my head at one time, and I don't know what to think of it all. I mean...I'm in no way depressed or anything. It's just that all these feelings that i've had for awile are...really confusing. It's like they get stronger and stronger everyday. I really dont think i'm making much sense.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you'd do almost anything to get it? Like...you change yourself so much that you dont even remember who you actually were before, so you basically become the person you've created yourself? Oh man, [u]please[/u] let me explain this better!! I dunno, I guess I just know what I want, and I'm just now realizing that i'm trying to change myself for it. I'm not gonna be [i]that[/i] person anymore. Hello world. This is me. Did you miss me?
I'm sorta talkin to Cate right now. Here's the conversation so far.
Hollywood is emo: are you still mad at me..? shorty985162: I dunno. I guess. Kinda. Hollywood is emo: because i feel stupid. shorty985162: and why is that? Hollywood is emo: because you're mad at me and it was dumb not to tell you. shorty985162: yes. you're right. it was. I thought we were better friends than that.
wow. How interesting. Anyways, i'm hoping Katt will call me back so that Rachel (s.), her and I can go to the movies. None of us have seen Secret Window yet, which is surprising since it has Johnny Depp in it. <3 > Oh, and Matt, I know you've already seen it with Rachel, but you can come if you'd like. I mean... unless Rachel says you cant. lol.
I dont get it. I've cut once in the corse of two monthes. I told the theripist that I haven't since i've been seeing her, and thats not entirely true, but i'm getting better...right? Well anyway, she told me that she didn't belive me. She says that "most girls" dont just...stop. I got really pissed and told her that I was an acception. This is dumb. Whats the point in stopping when she's just gonna think i'm still doing it?! It's insane! I'm so mad right now...
I got pissed off today in study skills 'cause Jessie was talking about slicing his arm open & shit. And then to top it off, he said the word razor about 5 times. I got so angry. I went to the next row, all the way up and wrote in my journal.
Katt seems to think that I think Corey's hot. I think she's confusing me with herself.
Rachel just told me to have fun at school without her tommorow. I think she's expecting me to be all over Matt or something. Not gonna happen. I like him....alot, but I dont plan on raping him! Geeze ppl...lighten up.
I just got home from school about 20 minutes ago. I'm talking to Lorrie, Rachel, and...the other Rachel. lol. I was so mad at Katt this morning. She did appologize for sayin all that stuff. Rachel claims she wants to try to be my friend. Interesting. And oh goodie. I just recieved one of those long ass question things witch I love. lol. Here goes...
[x] What is your name? Jessica [x] How old are you? 14. [x] When's your birthday, m'dear? June 15 1989 [x] Chocolate or vanilla? Well...if it's ice cream..vanilla. [x] Summer or Spring? Spring. Definatly. [x] Who'd your best friend? I dont have a "best friend" [x] Are you reading a book right now, and if so...what is it? The Bell Jar, By: Sylvia Plath. [x] Who's your least favorite person? My mother. [x] If you could live anywhere, where would it be? I'm planning on staying here. It just feels like home. [x] Who is your greatest enemy? My razor. [x] If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? I'll never have a million dollars. Rub it in why dont ya? [x] Light on or off? Off. [x] Hugs or kisses? Both. [x] How many kids do you want? two. A boy and a girl. [x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? Nope. [x] Who's your biggest crush? Must we get into this? Matt. [x] Have you ever been in love? I thought I was. I was wrong. Twice. [x] Love or lust? Love. [x] Favorite color? Orange. [x] Favorite posession? My guitar. [x] When's the last time you told somebody you loved them? Last night when I put my sister to bed. [x] Who do you trust the least? Myself. [x] Who do you trust the most? Matt, Rachel. [x] Least favorite Rap/R&B artist? I wouldn't call them artists. I hate them all. [x] Least favorite rock artist? if Good Charolotte is even conciderd rock, i'd choose them. [x] Most favorite Rap/R&B artist? didn't I just say that I hated them all? [x] Most favorite rock aritist? Theres too many to choose. I'd be here forever. [x] Are you related to anyone famous? ..Brittany Spears. Never repeat this. WAY distant cousin. [x] What is the one thing that makes you most happy? Phone calls from people I thought didn't care. [x] What is the one thing that makes you most sad? looking down at my arm. [x] If you could make one change to your past, what would it be? I would've never started cutting. It was a mistake. [x] Favorite song ever? Guns N Roses-"Sweet Child of Mine." [x] Most annoying thing ever? ..spilling sprite on your pants.. [x] If you could be doing one thing right now, what would it be? ..you mean who?? lol. jj. Um...i'd prolly be at the music store. It's my haven. [x] What is the prettiest thing ever? Matt's eyes, Guitar picks, Rain, The ocean, blue skies, dandilions. [x] What are you wearing? a blue jean skirt, and a black tanktop. [x] When's the last time somone told you they loved you? Last night. By my sister..lol. [x] When's the last time you've kissed someone? Like... a real one, or like an I like you kiss? Lets go with the 2nd one. I haven't gotten a real one in monthes. But...3 weeks ago I belive. Dont ask. [x] Rate this quiz? 6.5 lol.
It turnes out, Cate's been with Chris for [u]6 monthes[/u].
Jess
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where evrything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where evrything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by
Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine
Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine
